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Speaking Madness

23 Apr

I am not a speaker. I don’t want to speak. In 6th grade and Jr. High School a few oral reports had to be done. The first I did was in 6th grade about a place in Africa. I think I took too many notes, because it was long. It was likely 10 minutes instead of 3, how do you summarize a place in another country? I got a C for my thorough report. I was mysteriously ill for the next several reports assigned, you don’t have to have a fever to be sick. It must have been something I ate, that invisible, unidentified something I had between going to sleep and waking up. Those illnesses lasted half the day. No one goes to school when it’s more than half over.
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What if? – The Condition of Control

27 Jan

Secret Saturday

I’m struggling right now. I’m messing up, ruining everything. I’m trying not to feel anything, but I want to feel everything. I don’t want to shut him out. Since he visited and left in December,  it has been all downhill for me, for both of us. I have the gift of being able to turn it all off until I can deal with it, I lived
my life without feeling until I met him.
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Book Concentration…Secrets I must tell

23 Jan

I’m checking into my blog today. It’s Wailing Wednesday,  but I’m just going to check in to say that I’m still here, I’m alive. I think you will all forgive me when you hear what I’ve been up to. I am close. I am so so close to finishing a book that I’m writing. 
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A Lonely Tear to Cry

13 Jan

Substance Sunday

Today is Substance Sunday. Time to explore the murky depths.  I’ve heard that somewhere before, but who says the depths have to be murky?

I’ve talked to my husband about things I’ve never talked to anyone else about. I let him do things to me I’ve never let anyone else do. I have yet to meet anyone else that I would have been willing to give Continue reading

Sex? What’s That? Are you Kidding?

12 Jan

Today is supposed to be Saturday… I mean Secret Saturday, in case I happen to have a secret to share. I’ve thought and thought. I’ve been thinking since yesterday, I swear. I just can’t think of any socially acceptable secrets. I’m going to have to change the name of Saturday, I don’t think I can go through with it. I think I had a subject for today at some point but I forgot what it was. I think people should just ask me questions and I’ll pick one to answer and then maybe I can keep Secret Saturday. This isn’t a secret. I’ve told people… well I wrote it and my husband read it. So I guess it could qualify as a secret. It’s not something I can actually say, I might die of embarrassment.  Lol.
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I’m Not Crazy… Just Pathologically Strange

11 Jan

Fundamental Friday

This is Fundamental Friday and it’s back to the basics. This will be what’s going on in my life.

This month is the busiest month of my life except when I had college courses. I have alot of appointments for the kids. I see a new therapist that tells me that my thoughts are odd. Continue reading

Sneak Away from the Getaway

7 Jan

My husband had been on a spiritual retreat since Thursday.  I couldn’t call him because phones weren’t allowed. What kind of a place is that? Out there in the woods with no phone. Well, he’d left his phone out in the car. They must not have been too deep in the woods because he kept sneaking away to the car to call me. I laughed at him everytime for cheating and breaking the rules, but I was glad to hear from him for that 2 minutes once or twice a day. It’s alot less than the 20 minutes and more, 5 times a day that we’re used to, but it had to do. The torture of waiting for him to sneak out of the woods to call me has ended. He said he didn’t get anything out of the retreat. Well, he likely didn’t hear a word anyone said and obsessed over when he could sneak away. With all that obsessing I’m a little surprised he could only call twice a day, they must have made it difficult.  Lol.