Sex? What’s That? Are you Kidding?

12 Jan

Today is supposed to be Saturday… I mean Secret Saturday, in case I happen to have a secret to share. I’ve thought and thought. I’ve been thinking since yesterday, I swear. I just can’t think of any socially acceptable secrets. I’m going to have to change the name of Saturday, I don’t think I can go through with it. I think I had a subject for today at some point but I forgot what it was. I think people should just ask me questions and I’ll pick one to answer and then maybe I can keep Secret Saturday. This isn’t a secret. I’ve told people… well I wrote it and my husband read it. So I guess it could qualify as a secret. It’s not something I can actually say, I might die of embarrassment.  Lol.

This is how my first sexual encounter took place. I almost lost my virginity that night. It almost happened when I was 17, a week before my 18th birthday. I had been at the library until after dark and had to walk home. I strongly disliked the dark, but I lived less than a block away and walked swiftly which was unusual for me since I liked to take my time. I didn’t know that I had been followed right into my apartment building. It was okay, he said that he just wanted to talk. I let him in to talk. My mom was asleep on the sofa. He asked me personal things, but I never minded answering personal questions. I didn’t have a boyfriend (My last boyfriend still showed up once a year or so, I stopped counting him.). He seemed to have a hard time believing I didn’t have a boyfriend and had an even harder time believing I hadn’t been with anyone. He asked, “Are you down with O-P-P?” I didn’t know what he meant. I heard the song O-P-P and I liked it so I said yes. He started making moves so maybe I answered that wrong. I still have no idea what I said yes to, but I liked his moves. As long as he kissed my neck and ear he was free to do whatever he wanted. There was no fear of my mom waking up because her medication made it impossible to wake her. We were sitting on my mom’s bed during this… Conversation. He had unzipped my pants and lifted my shirt and I was lost as long as he didn’t stop kissing my neck, but when he did stop I zipped my pants back up. I had no intention of sleeping with him. When it kept recurring and he tried to get me to lay back, I suggested we move to my bedroom. I just didn’t want him to leave. I had told him to stop unzipping my pants and he promised to stop. Whenever he kissed my neck he would do it again and I was powerless because I couldn’t think and didn’t want him to stop. When he stopped to kiss and touch other areas, I would zip my pants back up. At one point he kissed my neck so long that my pants and undwear were down.  I knew was he was doing, but felt paralyzed with pleasure. A pleasure I never felt before and couldn’t possibly understand. If I wanted something then I didn’t know what it was. There was no more beyond what was happening. Nothing I could ask for. My only thought when he kissed my neck was “don’t stop” He asked if he could do oral sex. I didn’t know what that was and asked what it meant. I didn’t like the answer and wouldn’t let him perform it on me. He asked, “Do you play basketball?” What the hell did that mean? I played the game of basketball, but was afraid to answer. It might have been another slang question that didn’t mean basketball, but what else could it mean? I hesitantly said that I played basketball sometimes. When he unzipped his pants I got uncomfortable.  It was dark so I didn’t see his… I guess that might have been the ball. He resumed kissing my neck. I was aware that I could feel his hardness touching my sex, but as long as he continued kissing that spot I didn’t care. Then he stopped. He asked if he could go inside. I thought,  “go inside where?!” I honestly didn’t know. With my former boyfriend, he did things with our clothes on. I thought everything… I thought sex was external. I suddenly became freaked out when I realized where he wanted to put his “ball”. I thought, “hell no”. I tried to seem calm in the midst of panicking. I told him it was time for him to leave. The sun was beginning to rise and I needed to get ready for school. He wasn’t willing to leave and seemed to be challenging me. He could have had his way and there would have been nothing I could do to stop him, but I bluffed. Knowing that my mother was asleep on the sofa, I said, “If you don’t leave, I’ll scream.” I doubted that she would wake up and I doubted that I would scream, but I pretended to be serious. I told him he could come back on my birthday and he said he would. I walked him to the door, he left. I showered as I worried about the possibility of pregnancy with the contact of our sexes. It was possible… you know… if sex was external as I had thought. Why had no one ever told me anything? I was amused at the manner in which I had to find out, but I could have avoided almost the whole incident if someone said something.  I went to school without having any sleep, but it was a good night. So from about 9:30 to 6:30 am, so he seduced me for 9 hours. Really? But the library closed at 9 pm and the sun rose about 6:30, I can’t argue with the timeframe, no matter how unbelievable. He sure was persistent. It’s probably good that he never came back to wish me a happy birthday. 

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