Am I a Person?

20 Feb

Someone thinks I should want to talk and that I talk to everyone but him, so he gets jealous of my many conversations that I rarely create.
Wanting to talk is a very rare occurrence. I find the jealousy over these conversations ridiculous because they aren’t created by me. I follow people’s topics and mostly listen, I comment only to prove that I’m listening and sooner or later they ask me a question. *sigh* What are all the questions for? Me really isn’t a good topic of conversation, but I answer the questions allowing them to figure that out for themselves. People asking me things to be polite really gets on my nerves because they don’t really want to know and I don’t really want to tell them, so why push down that road? So what those apparent conversations are is a series of questions that I answer and it looks alot like a conversation, but I’m happier when I can stop talking and go back to listening and watching. No one is interested in what I’d really like to talk about. I’ve found only a few people that even understand what I’m talking about, some of them pretend to understand but they should do a better job of not looking confused. I stop talking when I see the look of confusion, I want to explain what I mean, but people that don’t understand aren’t interested in trying to understand, not like I am. I listen, but I try to understand. Often not understanding is amusing to me and I laugh while asking them to explain it. When there is a problem of fact or opinion, I often must disagree. I make my disagreement known, but am not interested in arguing. When the other person raises the volume of their voice the debate is over. It’s those emotions people have and that ridiculous need to be right, why are people like that? Often I wonder if I’m really a person at all. Am I a person, am I a what? I think I’d rather be a what with all the rights and liberties of a person. Perhaps I am a robot because why else would people seem so… Strange to me. I can write a book about all the things I don’t understand. Why is this thing called conversation so important? I communicate by looking at people and making gestures. People are offended when they say hello to me and I nod. It means “yes, hello”. Nodding is faster than the effort to produce sound in my throat to say something that small. Why do they do it? Is silence really so terrifying? I don’t know anyone who understands things the way I do and that doesn’t mean I understand anything at all. Maybe I don’t. People are fascinating and it seems impossible than I’m one of them.


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