Archive | February, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me

24 Feb

Today is my birthday. What? Don’t ask me how old I am. Thats rude.. or so I hear. There are those society rules again. I might have forgotten it was my birthday altogether if it weren’t for people reminding me.
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Are You Sure You’re You?

23 Feb

I hate when strangers call me. Not really. But I hate when they call my cellphone and ask to speak to me. That is an immediate annoyance because who else would dare touch my cellphone? When I answer the phone strangers have 10 seconds to say something and 10 more to tell me what they want. Too often they ask to speak to me and I say “yes? ” They ask to speak to me again and I say again “yes? ”
“Is this she? ”
“Yes. ” That’s 10 seconds wasted on what? Making sure it’s me so they can tell me something they think is top secret which turns out to just waste my time.

Am I a Person?

20 Feb

Someone thinks I should want to talk and that I talk to everyone but him, so he gets jealous of my many conversations that I rarely create.
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Frozen Indoors

14 Feb

Frozen dishsoap. I didn’t bother washing any dishes because the dishsoap was frozen. We came out here to North Carolina and didn’t have time to be picky about where to live. The place we’re in turns out to be worse than we thought with heat registers that heat up but don’t share, yet use a tremendous amount of electricity. The landlord of our residence has promised not to make any improvements per the lease terms and this place was in bad shape before we got here. The electric bill is enormous. I’ve turned off all of the heat registers and use a space heater. Every night my family and I huddle in a single bedroom with a single space heater. We have more than one heater, but if we plug it in the circuit breaker will be tripped and it’s lights out. There had been nice weather up until Groundhog’s Day. I can’t believe it, we’ve been jinxed by a groundhog! I woke up and it was 22 degrees outside, likely 48 degrees in our heated room, and likely 29 degrees downstairs. Six more weeks of winter and frozen dishsoap.

(Poem) Excellent Trash

9 Feb

Oh my gosh! How could this hap
I sure can’t believe this writ
I’ve grabbed a pen and written crap
And had the nerve to type it

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(Poem) You Tell Me (Allegedly Published)

8 Feb

You tell me I never listen
So I ask “Why should I start”
You tell me I cannot draw
Why show a work of art?
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Stupid Warning Label

6 Feb

I took the battery out of the upstairs smoke detector after 2 weeks of beeping and laughed. The label underneath said “Warning! battery has been removed”. And I think “yeah, I know. I removed it on purpose. ” How stupid do manufacturers think we are? It would have made more sense if there were a disclaimer there, something like “manufacturer not liable for failure to function when no battery is present. ” or even if it said “Battery FELL out” because if I “removed” it I think I noticed. What idiotic warning labels and signs have you seen?